Unfolding

We had our first gathering of women this past Friday. We kept it small - our living room is tiny - but what an amazing group of women! I didn't know most of them before, but I'm so looking forward to getting to know them. We scheduled two hours, and thought we might finish early, but instead we ran out of time before we could really talk about what we'd like to do together. Just hearing each of them was a powerful experience in itself.

We asked them about themselves and about their ministry. It was clear that some women aren't sure they have ministries. That word has so often been reserved for clergy, or people with official titles. But many of the most devoted ministers I know don't have a title or training. They just bake, or cook, or check up on people. They teach. They listen to others. We miss so much of the action of God when we fit it into professional slots.

Afterward, Elizabeth and I looked at each other and said, "something amazing just happened. What was it?" We don't know. But I know the Holy Spirit was singing and dancing among us. Some seed was planted. We plan to do this every two weeks, and see what grows.

Curious? Write me, write us. And tell us what your ministry is!

Last night I began a six-week series at St. Paul's in Englewood NJ, on women and Christianity.  I'm excited for the topic, which is dear to my heart, but also because I'm finally learning Power Point.  I'm not a techno wizard, so something has to really matter to me to get me over the hump.  Like writing a blog!!  Generating newsletters!!  I'm so excited by the promise of what we are doing here that I'm willing to learn new things, and even enjoy them.

I've heard that the test of a vocation is whether it makes more of you, calls you to be more than you were.  By that standard, the Companions are very right.  I want to tell everyone about it, about us, and that gets me to learn new things.

Now if I can just get the computer to talk to the projector . . .

So what so you love enough to try new things for?

Ash Wednesday

I tried to post yesterday, and ended up at another blog I share with some people - oops!

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday.  It was such a joy to spend it in community, in silence.  There's a real power for me in being silent with others.  It's companionable.  We can be together, while being in our own thoughts and prayers.  The liturgy at Holy Cross was beautiful.  I love to preside at
Eucharists, but I also love to receive, to not have to do the next thing.  And it's great to be part of a well-oiled liturgical machine.

If silence was a joy, fasting was not so much.  We didn't do the full-bore fast, but I ate little enough that I stayed hungry all day.  It reminded me of the millions of people, here and globally, who experience that feeling every day, with no hope of better the next day.  Eating my little portion of rice and beans, I knew that for many this would be a whole day's nutrition.

So will this change my patterns and my commitments this year?  I hope so.  For now I'm back to being gluten free, meat free, dairy free.  I know I'll feel better, and the planet will thank me.  But where is my chocolate?

Thanks to Sarah for the tip about Shadow's stress.  I'll see what I can do!

Shadow's spa

I'm being reminded that moving is stressful.  In case I want to minimize my own stresses, my cat is holding up a mirror.  Shadow is a very sociable, easy-going cat, but she has met her match in Phoebe, Elizabeth's cat.  Phoebe is furious that Shadow has moved in.  She pursues her, even though she has no claws.  Shadow has claws, but she hasn't learned that she has the upper paw.  We have been negotiating who goes where, which doors are open, trying to help them get used to the change.  Some days seem better.



But last night, after a day that seemed pretty good, Shadow peed on the bed.  My bed, where I was sleeping.  In the morning she used the litter box pretty much nonstop, and was generally restless and miserable.  I took her to the vet, who diagnosed her with bladder cystitis - a common response to stress in cats!  So she got some pain pills, and an antibiotic in case it's a bladder infection, and she got a prescription to relax.  Now we're in my room, her litter box is back in here, the door is closed, and she is getting some rest.  My sheets and blankets are cleaned and dry.  I've promised her a spa day, or two.

What makes this more than an interesting story?  I think Shadow is manifesting what we all are going through in the new CMA eastern household.  We want this change (more than our cats do!), but it's still stressful.  Like them, we have days that are two steps forward, then days that seem to stall or go backward.  I'm trying to get used to a monastic schedule again, with its more limited work time in favor of prayer and community.  I'm learning again to live with another person, and more - I'm learning about accountability to my companions, both the ones I live with and those who live far away.  We made promises together for six months, but that's the easy part.  Now there's learning to live them.

So please pray for Shadow, and for Phoebe, and for all of us.  Good stuff is brewing (more on that later), but it's still hard work to find our new places in God's universe.  Thank you to all who are praying for us!

I'm learning how to add images to the blog.  Here's one I found with Elizabeth, that we will share on our newsletter.  It's true that it's a little too European to be historically authentic, but who knows?  I like the look on her face.  She is serious, but not so inward we can't connect.  She seems open, with important news to share.  That's how I see her.

I don't know how to move images yet.  Let me know if you have ideas for this page.  What would you like to know about?  What does Mary mean to you?

Let me tell you why this blog is named "Standing at the Empty Tomb."

The Companions of Mary the Apostle are a new community, still forming and finding our shape.  We are currently three priests, all women, in the Episcopal Church.  We are dedicated to bridging past and future in the Church, to fostering women's leadership and feminine imagery in worship, to integrating masculine and feminine energies.  (At least that's my take on what we're about!)

We chose Mary Magdalene, also known as the Apostle to the Apostles, for many reasons.  She is a sinner (like us all) who is healed and loved by Jesus, transformed into a voice for the Gospel.  She goes to the tomb expecting to prepare the dead body of her beloved rabbi, but she finds an empty tomb.  She doesn't recognize Jesus - resurrection doesn't fit her picture of what is possible in the world.  But she comes to believe, and she runs to tell others.

That's what I want to do.  I have been and will continue to be healed by the love of God in Christ.  I have been and will be a sinner, converted and empowered to follow.  I have loved Jesus in his death, and I now believe in resurrection.  I stand in possibility - the possibility that Church will live again, but not in the forms we recognize; the possibility that the Holy Spirit is blowing and swirling and laughing among us; the possibility that we can live in community even in an age that destroys it.

So I'm standing at the empty tomb, between death and resurrection.  I invite you to stand here with me, to tell others what you find.  Sometimes it will be just absence, confusion, grief.  But often it will be hope, courage, joy.  Where else would you want to be?

starting up!

Hi everyone,
I promised Terry P. that I would begin this today.  I'm off to our weekly meeting of the Companions, reading Peter Block's Community: The Structure of Belonging.  We are learning how to be a bi-coastal, mixed residential/dispersed community.  We just made our initial commitments for six months on January 17, the feast of St. Anthony of Egypt, one of the founders of monastic life in the Christian tradition.  A good day!

So stay tuned.  I will let you know what we're up to, what we'd like to be up to, what we need, and random thoughts.  Please let us know if you have prayer requests, or ideas for activities or events, or just want to talk about what we're doing.  I'm so excited!