Out of the Silence

Well, I'm back.  Our retreat was powerful, opening new doors for me to walk through.

Some people wonder, what do you do on a silent retreat?  Here's what I did.  Each day I went for a hike (we were blessed with good weather).  I listened to a CD of a retreat on Mother Mary given by Don Bisson, and read a little about Mary (preparing for a retreat I'll lead in the spring).  I prayed and sat with Mary.   I listened to music inspired by Marian devotion.  When it was my turn, I prepared meals.  I did a jigsaw puzzle.  That's about it.  I listened to my inner conversations, and wrote about what was coming up.

What made this retreat so powerful was the encounter with Mary.  I have never been devoted to her.  I've had an appreciation for her, but more for her personal human qualities than any archetypal divine access.  During the retreat I let myself fall in love with her, I let myself sink into the divine feminine that she embodies.  I can't say all of what that means for me, but I feel it.  A new door has opened in my soul, and I will be richer for it.

I was stunned to see how I have bought into the mainstream hierarchical theology about Mary.  We can have an all-male Trinity, we can have Jesus be human and divine, but Mary has to be kept securely out of the picture, on her side of the fence.  I've accepted all sorts of ideas and experiences, and kept a wall around the Marian ones.  But that is changing.

So: flowers and candles on the dinner table!  Back to drumming and dancing as prayer - practices I've let dwindle.  Back to celebrating the body, our bodies, the body of Creation.  Union with all that is, masculine and feminine.  Delight.

A door has opened.  I'm a little afraid, but I'm going through.  Holy Mary, Mother of God, hold my hand.