Breakthrough

Wow.  Where do I start?

The last few months have felt like a bit of breakdown, but I believed that they were the signs of transition to a new place.  There's never a breakthrough without a breakdown, and most breakthroughs feel like breakdowns at first.  And so it is proving.

I had been a bit more lethargic and distracted than usual, less organized around Companions' business.  You may have noticed I was writing less.  I felt called to deepen my own prayer and study, but the cost felt like letting down my community (including those who read us online).

Last week we had the annual Companions retreat, and I saw the breakthrough.  My letting go is allowing newer members to contribute, to take their place in the center and use their gifts.  My job is to trust them without abandoning the vision and charism that have been given to us.  But I no longer need to hoard this like an anxious mother.  Needing to grow in my own way has made me open to letting others grow, for their benefit and that of the whole community.

So what am I supposed to do, if I'm not managing all sorts of things I once did?  They were quite clear.  I'm supposed to pray, to listen to people and help them pray, to speak and write as I feel called. That still stuns me - especially the prayer part.  Do people actually value my prayer - not only my intercessory prayer, but simply the time I spend with God?  Apparently yes.  That is humbling and challenging.

I don't know what difference this will make for you who read this.  Over time the website will improve, our media presence will improve.  Other changes may not be visible to you.  But I want you to know: something is happening here.  God is at work.

And I want you to trust.  If you are in a period of breakdown, there's a new land waiting to open up to you.  Just like Mary at the tomb, it will look strange and scary for a while.  Then it will carry you to proclaim the news of new life.  You can't rush this.  But trust; and pray.  You can always ask me to pray for you!