Blocked Channel

I have had trouble sleeping for the past three years.  I don't mean the occasional bad night; I mean strings of nights when I would wake after three hours and be up for 2 or 3, then back down; or not sleep again at all.  I had no awareness of dreams, nothing.  Sleep was hard.

Recently that has changed.  I have been dreaming more, and sleeping better.  This has coincided with some healing work, and I've been thrilled with the speed of movement of old blocks.

Then, this weekend the old pattern resurfaced.  I slept badly, I didn't dream, and I couldn't find anything to write or doodle about.  But I'm learning that this bad sleep might be resistance to something I don't want to know or feel, so I asked Mary to help me open up.  And sure enough, it showed up.  I don't need to tell you all about it; it doesn't matter.  What matters is that the channel was blocked, blocked so thoroughly I didn't know there was a channel there!  Now, as I excavate my past pain, I'm learning to look through the rubble for the channel.  And somehow, Mary is in this. Both Marys, actually, for Mary Magdalene is also in my prayer space and my heart, knowing a lot about loss and resurrection.

I'm writing this not to confess to you, but to offer this experience of a blocked channel.  Perhaps you have a place in your mind or heart that just feels dry and dead, dead ended or empty.  Perhaps it shows up as something else - lack of sleep, lack of energy or interest, lack of devotion, whatever.  If any of this rings a bell for you, know that you are not alone.  You are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, living and dead, who want to share your burden.  We can't take it from you, but we can walk with you.

Living the resurrection doesn't mean that crucifixion never happened, or never hurt.  It means that crucifixion is not the end of the story.  Something amazing happened in that tomb, that space that seemed blocked off and sealed up.  Just like the tombs, God can enter into our blocked channels and release us.  We emerge bearing the marks of our past, but no longer finished because of it.

May you know the power of Christ in your times of pain, and may you share the power of Christ as you find new life.  May all the saints surround and protect you, and may you know yourself to be one of them.  Bless you!