Wednesday in Holy Week

Isaiah 50:4-9a; Psalm 70; Hebrews 12:1-3; John 13:21-32

The mystery of Judas.  What was he thinking?  I don’t believe John’s answer, that he was a thief and a lowlife.  I don’t believe that he did it just for money, as Luke and Mark imply.  He may have received money, but that would not be enough motive to betray someone he’s been so close to.  And John, who calls Judas a thief who stole from the common purse, does not say it exactly.   The fact that Judas was in charge of the common purse suggests rather that he was found to be trustworthy and faithful.  No, he didn’t do it for money.

The Gospel of Judas suggests that he did it for love, to play his part in the necessary drama of crucifixion.  But I’m not persuaded by that either.  It makes Jesus’ passion and death into a plot rather than the inevitable result of his path.  That fits with later theologies of atonement, theologies that are still popular, but I don’t believe them.  I don’t believe that God “the Father” sacrificed Jesus to pay a debt.  I don’t believe that Jesus aimed at his death.  i believe he came to enter into our humanity, all the way, without flinching.  But that means that he was not orchestrating everything.  He knew, he realized, that he would be betrayed, but he didn’t plan it.

Perhaps Judas just couldn’t stand facing that Jesus was not the Messiah he hoped for.  Maybe he thought the arrest would spark a rebellion.  Maybe he thought he could force Jesus to lead a holy war, or to flee and save his life.  I don’t know.

But I know that Jesus knew, at a certain point.  He was “troubled in spirit” by this awareness, but he didn’t flee - from his fate or from Judas.  He did not accuse Judas to the others to punish Judas.  He knew the mystery of Judas, knew why he had to do it, and he let him be who he was.

I’m so tempted to line up the world between good ones and bad ones, and to vilify and push away the bad ones.  I think I’m not alone in this.  But Jesus takes it all in, takes us all in.  Jesus does not protect himself from me, or from those I hate.  He reminds me that he does not need my protection or vengeance.  He needs me to play my part in the salvation story - all of it, faithful and betraying, denying and proclaiming, ignoring and embracing.

Yesterday Jesus told us to walk while we have the light.  Today we read that it was - it is - night.  May the darkness within you and around you not overtake you.  Love.