Thursday in the First Week

Esther (Apocrypha) 14:1-6,12-14; Psalm 138; Matthew 7:7-12

I struggle with Jesus’ teaching here.  I so want to believe that if I ask directly and whole-heartedly I will be heard.  I believe in the power of prayer.

But I was trained by many people I respect to ask only that “Thy will be done.”  That prayer also puts me in the presence of God, but in a very different relationship.  Instead of a pleading child, I’m a submissive one.  Somehow, I turn from that to be an adult in the world.  I can go out confidently, knowing that I’m aligning myself with God.  At least that’s the theory.

I think of Jesus in the Garden, who asks that the cup pass him by, but also affirms God’s will if it is different from his.  He prayed until his sweat turned to blood, but an angel appeared to give him strength (Luke 22:39-46).  That’s the whole spectrum of prayer right there, in one moment.  He prays with all he has for what he, himself, wants; and at the same time, he prays to affirm God’s will no matter what.  This is not a submissive strategy, though it is a recognition that he is not in charge.  It is honest, trusting, direct.  

I’d rather learn that my asking, knocking, seeking will bear the fruit I want.  But that’s not how it works.  Jesus tells us in today’s passage that we will receive “good things,” but not necessarily the things we want.  Jesus asked for a reprieve; instead he got resurrection.

The real problem with my prayers is not that they lack fervor, or that they lack humility.  The problem with my prayers is that I have such a small vision of what is good for me, what God has in mind.  I have to seek and knock with all my heart to open myself to what God might do, can do, will do.  My Lenten transformation begins with asking God to do what I cannot do for myself.

Glory to God whose power working in us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine!