Gratitude November 16

Today I'm grateful for people of conscience and courage.  Yesterday I saw the new movie about Mark Felt, the FBI agent who told the Washington Post about Watergate and the White House's involvement when the FBI was ordered to stop investigating.  He did not do this to hurt the agency, but to save its integrity and do the job he had dedicated his life to.  I give thanks for him.

I also give thanks to those who are making movies and writing books to help us remember.  We are in a new period of corruption and interference, a new constitutional crisis, and this time we do not have a Congress that will stand up to the President.  We need all the other instruments of civil society to demand that truth not be abandoned.  This is not about policies or personalities; this is about principles of free government.

I've been hearing many stories recently of people who stood up to those who would silence them, deny their humanity, or suppress the truth.  People wonder how they persevere.  I don't, actually.  I think, what else could they do?  They'd have to become someone else, someone for whom this value didn't matter.  It's like the pursuit of our relationship with God.  Why keep praying when prayer seems dry or pointless?  Well, what else can I do?  How, and why, would I walk away from the source  of my life?  What sort of life would I live without that?  It's not really a choice.

So I guess today I'm grateful for all those who persevere in hard causes for good ends.  All who contribute to the healing of the world, to tikkun slam.  Thank you.

For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude November 15

Today I'm grateful for my life.  All of it.

Today is my birthday, a chance to reflect and give thanks and dream again.  It seems that each year I have more gratitude.  Do I have more reasons to be grateful, or is it just that my heart opens more to the beauty and love that were always there?  That's probably not an interesting or helpful question.  I'm grateful for what I can see and feel today.

This weekend I will be leading a retreat for women in Alcoholics Anonymous and AlAnon.  Their lives are a powerful blend of pain and growth, of struggle and delight.  I love being with them, being one of them.  I do not regret the painful parts of my life, because they equipped me for this ministry.  I give thanks for the growth and joy I've experienced, because they give me a message to carry.  We do not get to avoid getting hurt, and the scars do not vanish, but we do get to see them transformed into testimony of God's healing grace.

I'm grateful for my family.  Far from "perfect," but full of love and resilience and courage.
I'm grateful for my other families, my communities of love and service.  Also not "perfect," capable of hurting one another, but dedicated to another way.

I'm grateful for those who have helped me heal, those who have taught me new tricks or weaned me from old habits.  I'm grateful for those who let me share my experience strength and hope with them. I'm grateful for this amazing life that somehow keeps deepening against all rational calculation.

I'm grateful for the love of God that creates and sustains all of this, and more.  More than I can say.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for creation, and for letting me be a part of it, and aware of it.  I love you.

Gratitude November 14

Today I'm grateful for Br. Aidan Owen, OHC.  He was ordained as a "transitional" deacon today (that means he expects to be ordained a priest next year).  He has been faithfully discerning both his monastic and his priestly vocations for at least ten years, and it was a joy to see him make his vows in this order of ministry.

The other day I gave thanks for commitment.  Today I give thanks for Aidan, and through him for those who honestly seek to discern and follow God's will.  Sometimes we think we know the plan, and we can rush forward and just push through obstacles.  Rather than discernment, this is strategy.  I know I've done this in my life, and I've seen others do it.  It isn't the path of life, no matter how good the goal is.

Real discernment takes trust and willingness and humility.  It's much more vulnerable than strategy or simple decision-making.  It requires us to listen to the voice of our communities as well as our inner contact, and accept their finding.  It can be painful.  It takes courage.

Thank you, God, for those with the courage to truly listen and discern and follow.  Give us all the grace to do likewise.

Gratitude November 13

Today I'm grateful for the people who join me for spiritual "direction" - companionship, listening, reflection.  Many years ago my discovery of my monastic vocation coincided with hearing the call to be with others in this way.  For years, though, it didn't manifest.  I got some training, then got diverted into studying for the priesthood.  People came, then left.  I never felt like this ministry was developing, and I started to think I had been mistaken in my sense of call.

A few years ago I let go of some of my baggage around not being enough for this ministry.  Then, in the past year, as I stopped fighting my contemplative vocation (and some other things), suddenly people showed up.   The other day I realized I'm doing what I so wanted to do.  I think I had a lot of my own work to do before I could be available in the way others need, and I think it must show that I've been doing it.

I am so grateful that these people are with me: people earnestly searching for God, whether they are newcomers to that search or long-time journeyers.  I see what they are doing in the world, the difference they are making, and I'm grateful to be part of their journey.  I believe that part of my vocation is "equipping the saints for the work of ministry" (Ephesians 4:12), and it brings me joy to see that happen.

Thank you to all my mentors and directors over the years, and to all of you for your varied ministries.  God bless you today.

For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude November 12

Today I'm grateful for commitment.  I will attend worship today among two communities where commitment to God is evident.  In the morning I'm going to the Church of the Ascension in West Park NY, our landlords.  They are celebrating their 175th anniversary, and seven people are being confirmed.  We had the delight of meeting with the confirmands last month, sharing about monastic life and our vocational journeys, and now we get to see them continue on theirs.  Their commitment is made possible by the commitment of their church community.  This small parish, which has combined in the past with another parish and is now yoked to another parish through a shared priest, continues to serve the community and to worship together.  They aren't failing, or struggling; they are just small, a typical rural parish.  Together they honor God and serve others, week in and week out.  Thank you.

Then for Vespers we will go to Holy Cross Monastery, where Peter Pearson is making his novice clothing.  He's been with the brothers since May, and now he commits to continue learning and discerning this path.  It takes courage and faith to leave one's career and familiar place and jump in with a bunch of semi-strangers, to be known by them and put up with them - and know they are putting up with you!  So Peter, blessings and thanks.  Thanks for being a man of courage and faith and commitment.

And thank you to all of you, for all the ways your commitments keep the world moving.  Whether it's family or friends or ministry of any kind, your commitment makes all the difference.  Pray that we may all have the grace to stand firm and clear with the gifts God gives us.

For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude November 11

I feel like a broken record, but here goes.

I'm grateful for, and grateful to, our Coffee Table Communion crew.  Yesterday they stayed after, not for tea and conversation like most weeks, but to put together a mailing that is going out soon.  We still got time together, but it was like a quilting bee.  Hands were moving while people shared, and so we shared in a way different than when we just sit and listen to one another.  It was wonderful to know we have partners in ministry.  So thank you to Laurel and Anne and Joan and Cathy and Ferris.

The broken record part is that this exercise is making me aware of how much of my gratitude relates to the people in my life.  Every day people show up in different ways.  Some show up as partners in ministry.  Some show up as supporters or co-conspirators.  Some show up as people seeking spiritual direction or nourishment or transformation.  Some show up as family or friends.  But so many people!  I'm used to thinking of myself as apart or disconnected, but that's another life.  In this life I've got more companions than I can count, or honor adequately.

I am grateful for all of you.

How many images can I find of friends who make God present and active?

For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude November 10

Yesterday was a good day.  I began the day with energy, both mental and physical.  It was a day at home, a day I had planned to spend with a friend until he got sick.  So I made soup, and insulated windows, and did laundry.  I dusted.  Elizabeth and I worked on our retreats and talks for next month in Cincinnati, where we will be at the Cathedral for two weeks.  We got ideas for leading our upcoming covenant groups, and creating closure for the ones that are ending.  And still there was time with a directee, time listening for God working in him.  A good day.

I'm grateful for the mind that lets me think, and the mouth that lets me speak.  I'm grateful for the arms and legs and fingers that enable me to maintain our house and nourish our bodies.  I'm grateful for the ears and the heart to hear God in another person.  I'm grateful to be.

For what are you grateful?