Tuesday in the Fifth Week

Numbers 21:4-9; Psalm 102:15-22; John 8:21-30

Jesus, I want to follow you, I think you’re on to something, but I just don’t understand.  I don’t know what you mean when you say.  “Where I am going, you cannot come.”  “You are from below, I am from above.”  “You will die in your sins unless you believe that I am (he).”  “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will realize that I am (he).”  “And the one who sent me is with me.”  As you were saying these things, John reports that many believed in you; but I just don’t know what to think, much less believe.

Am I condemned because I don’t understand you?  I want to follow you, but not because your words here make any kind of sense to me.  I know there are teachers and writings to explain what you say, but I somehow think that what you want me to get is not in books or explanations.

Would you really do this to me, Jesus?  Would you be deliberately obscure, and then condemn me because I don’t get it?  Or is this your followers at work, trying to limit the club by taking your simple message and making it hard to get?  I know that John and the others are trying to define what it means to follow you, and John puts all the eggs in the basket of “belief,” but his agenda is not necessarily yours.

I don’t believe you mean to keep me out this way.  I think joining your camp is hard enough when things are clear and spelled out: pray, give alms, love one another, serve.  You're pretty clear about these.  Let go.  Relax and trust God.  These are hard but direct.  But this talking over my head - that feels wrong.

I know many people today will tell me that this speech in John is mystical talk, accessible only to those in the know.  They will indeed disqualify me from the club of true believers.  I will be one of your foolish followers, following simply because I want the love I see in you.

And that’s enough for me today.  I love you.  If there’s more I need, please show me and grace me with it.  If love is enough, comfort me and let me put my mind at ease.  Bless me, Jesus.  Amen.