Tuesday in the Third Week

Song of Azariah and the Three Young Men 2-4, 11-20a (in some Bibles, this is Daniel 3:25-27, 34-43; in others it’s in the Apocrypha); Psalm 25:3-10; Matthew 18:21-35

Again with the forgiveness!  You’d think this mattered.

I am blessed to be part of a community of transformational leaders, people bringing about things that wouldn't otherwise be.  One of the founders of the community is Gerry O’Rourke, who in 1983 declared himself a man of forgiveness.  Since then he has practiced and taught forgiveness all over the world in situations of conflict.  I met him in Northern Ireland.

Gerry’s process is simple, though demanding.  He says to be specific about what we are angry about.  Not “she’s a so-and-so,” but “she did x.”  What is the violation?  Then he asks four questions:

Are you willing to forgive the person/group/institution?

Are you wiling to forgive absolutely?

Are you willing to forgive totally?

Are you willing to forgive unconditionally?

Note that the questions don’t ask if you want to do it.  They ask if you’re willing.

Gerry says, "The question is: What is it costing you in your life to say 'No' to forgiveness? You are the only one who can answer this question and to live with the consequences of your answer. Do not be afraid to look at what your resentment may really be costing you." 

That’s the bottom line.  When Peter asks Jesus how often he has to forgive, Jesus’ real answer is: as often as you want to be free.  As often as you want to open the door to a future for yourself and others.  

Forgiveness doesn't mean justifying, excusing, or forgetting. It doesn’t mean inviting more violation.  It means that the past no longer has to run my life.

I don’t have to believe that God willed this violation.  It’s a violation, a pain to me.  The other person is wrong.  But I am the only one who can choose to start my life again.

For many of us, fasting might be easier than forgiving.  Giving alms, certainly easier.  Extra prayer time?  No problem.  But forgiveness shows up over and over in Lent, because we are moving toward the great feast of resurrection.  We can’t be open to transformation without letting go.

Jesus did it.  St. Stephen did it.  Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu did it.

Gerry does it.

Will you do it?  Do you will it?